If

if i were a surgeon
i would cut open my own stomach
and remove the half ton of rocks that
somehow, when i wasn’t watching
found their way in there.

if i were a doctor,
i would listen to my heart
and confirm that its beat
was dangerously slow and pitiful.

if i were a dancer
i would retire,
knowing that my career was over,
for there is no joy left in me.

if i were a singer, which thank g-d i’m not
i would burn my guitar, along with my sheet music
and tear off my ears and lips and tongue
knowing that any need i ever had for them
was no more.